Bill Weir - Is marriage outdated in Iceland?
"What would a
society look like without marriage?" The question popped into my brain
after I stumbled across a list of countries with the most unwed mothers. With
40% of its babies born out of wedlock, America sits near the middle of the
global pack in this category. Conservative Turkey brings up the rear with a
scant 3%.
And the nation at the
top of the list? The world leader in single moms? Iceland. More than two-thirds
of Icelandic babies -- 67% -- are born to parents who are not married. This
might be a shameful distinction in many spots around the world. In the land of
the Vikings, it is a point of pride.
The island may have
been settled by marauding brutes, but it is now the most feminist society on
the planet, and with that one tantalizing fact, Sunday's episode of "The
Wonder List" was born. With about 320,000 citizens, Iceland has fewer
people than Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more glaciers, geysers and clean, fresh water
than countries 10 times its size.
The Viking sagas and
otherworldly landscapes have inspired movies and shows like "Lord of the
Rings" and "Game of Thrones," and after generations of
impoverished isolation, Iceland is experiencing a tourist boom unlike anything
the country has ever seen.
But few American visitors
would suspect that these handsome people with their tongue-twisting language
have blown up everything they know about love and marriage. "You have this
horrible term in English, 'broken families,' " Bryndis Asmundottir says
over coffee. "Which basically means just if you get divorced, then
something's broken. But that's not the way it is in Iceland at all. We live in
such a small and secure environment, and the women have so much freedom. So you
can just, you can choose your life."
Bryndis has three kids
with two partners and not a drop of shame or regret. She explains that since
few Icelanders are religious, there is no moral stigma attached to unwed
pregnancy. And her country guarantees some of the most generous parental leave
in the world: nine months at 80% pay (three months for mom, three for dad and
another three to be divvied up). As a result, women are emboldened to start
families whether or not their men took Beyoncé's advice to "put a ring on
it."
"We think
diamonds are evil," Bryndis says with a laugh, explaining that it is the
norm for a couple to spend years together as parents before even considering
marriage.
But American culture
has a huge influence in Iceland, so the concept of bridal showers and
engagement rings becomes a little less bizarre with every rom-com they enjoy on
Netflix. And after the 2008 banking crisis nearly sank the Icelandic economy,
many are still deeply in debt, and the temptation to scale back the
mom-friendly welfare state is stronger than ever.
With melting glaciers
and crowding tourists, this volcanic land seems on the brink of seismic change.
But when it comes to swapping marriage vows and licenses, as far as Icelanders
are concerned, love really is all you need.
