Planning Commission To Launch Shaandar Shauchalaya – A Premium Toilet Chain

By Dilip -
New Delhi. After spending rupees 35 lakhs on renovating toilets in their office, Planning Commission has decided to launch a premium range of public toilets named Shaandar Shauchalaya, which means luxurious washrooms in Hindi. These premium toilets are being projected as the high-end version of Sulabh Shauchalaya, a popular brand of low-cost public toilets run by an NGO.
“We want to make cleanliness a fashion statement,” Montek Singh Ahluwalia, deputy chairman of the Planning Commission said, “We hope that the common man will start using public toilets when they will see the page-3 crowd and the affluent people use Shaandar Shauchalaya – a new range of public toilets.” Ahluwalia cited a report by Planning Commission that claimed that the usage of public toilets in India was very poor and people were still defecating or peeing in open. Planning Commission was very worried over this unhygienic trend and decided to promote use of public toilets.
Since charity begins at home, Commission renovated their own toilets, which will also act as prototypes for the proposed range of premium public toilets. “We have been often hearing that there were more mobile phones in India than toilets, and we thought how to address the issue. Public toilets run by various NGOs were helpful, but perhaps they needed a new push – just like cricket was given a new push by IPL,” Ahluwalia argued and justified why a premium range of public toilets was needed. When Faking News asked if the premium public toilets by the government were like IPL of hygienic practices, the deputy chairman of the Planning Commission nodded his head in agreement. 
“Indian Potty League?” Faking News reporter asked for a clarification, to which Mr. Ahluwalia shook his head vigorously. “No, no, It’s just packaged marketing of public toilets, nothing else, and we are calling it Shaandar Shauchalaya, not IPL or BPL,” he clarified. As per the plans, Planning Commission will open such premium range of public toilets in all leading metro cities. Taking a dump in such toilets will cost 1000 rupees while one will have to shell out 500 rupees for having a pee. Taking a bath will cost 5000 rupees. 
“We are roping in celebrities to promote this,” Ahluwalia informed, “We are in talks with Mahesh Bhatt to promote his new film Jism-2 through Shaandar Shauchalaya.” “No, not because his movies are shit,” he hastily added before our reporter could interpret it this way, “Sunny Leone will have the first bath in our public toilets and we will release exclusive footage to all media organizations. We hope this will create a buzz and more celebs will follow suit.” To encourage shit drops foot falls from the upper middle class, Shaandar Shauchalaya outlets will have ATMs, magazine stalls, ticket booking centers, and other such utilities. They will also have good looking female attendants, like cheerleaders in the IPL.
“They will encourage constipated users,” Ahluwalia justified presence of such amenities in the air-conditioned public toilets. Planning Commission has asked for a budget of 3500 crore rupees from the government for this scheme to promote hygiene in the country, sources say...
http://www.fakingnews.com/2012/06/planning-commission-to-launch-shaandar-shauchalaya-a-premium-toilet-chain/

India To Be Electricity-Free To Stop Fires Arising Out Of Short-Circuits
Emerging from the UPA cabinet meeting held under candlelight in New Delhi, a beaming Prime Minister told waiting reporters about the cabinet’s decision: “Today is a historic day for India. In one giant stroke, we have found a green answer to managing our economy. As of January 1, 2013, India shall become an electricity-free nation. Not only will our nation rid itself from the dependence on the outside world for power, we will also be the leading nation in controlling its carbon footprint.” “There won’t be any coal related scam as well,” he added. The mission has been christened “Gol Bijli Gol!”. 

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