Jugnu Mohsin's fictitious diary of Imran Khan

By Dilip -
Islamabad: The tsunami has swept Rawalpindi and affected no one. And this is just how I've planned it. Tsunami after tsunami that will change nothing and affect no one. In fact, mine will be a perfectly harmless set of tsunamis unlike the ones in Phuket and Patong that ruined people's holidays. When I come to power, my main slogan will be 'The Yawn of a New Era', or better still 'A New Era Yawns.'

Dr Shakil Afridi's gone to jail for giving people Polo drops (the mint with the hole, better known as the State Bank of Pakistan). Afridi is a traitor (the doc, not the cricketer) because he helped the Americans catch Osama bin Laden who was, after all, an Abbotabadi. As Leader of the Ghairat Brigade and Keeper of the Two Nation Theory, I feel strongly that two nations are better than one and ghairat is better than logic because ghairat involves one person and his one brain cell whereas logic involves lots of liberal scum.

Talking of which, liberal scum are almost extinct in Pakistan now. However, they continue to survive in stubborn pockets of resistance aided and abetted by foreign hands. But they will soon be swept away by me and my politics. The essence of my politics is my own over-powering aroma, a whiff of which is enough to bring about a tsunami.

I have a miracle cure for Pakistan's ailments. When I come to power, corruption will end in 90 days. Drone strikes will end in 90 days. Power shortages will end in 90 days. When the 90 days will end is another matter. I think '90 Days' should be considered a figure of speech. This was suggested to me by my friend Lord Peregrine Hooray-Henry who I went to see in London. He'd been very ill. There was a bit of lettuce sticking out from his bottom so I urged him to go to the doctor. The doctor said it was only the tip of the iceberg which came as a great relief to His Lordship and to me, his best friend.

His Lordship asked me how Pakistan was doing. I told him, 'Look Peregrine, everyone knows that Pakistan has been hijacked for 60 years by the Baloch- Qadiani-Christian-Hindu Establishment'. Peregrine nodded sagely. Once he'd recovered from the lettuce in his posterior, we went off for a long weekend with two dumb blondes. When we came back, Peregrine's wife, Lady Hooray-Henry was so angry that she couldn't even finish her whole meal soya scone with a dollop of creamfree cream. She asked Peregrine, 'how would you feel if you didn't see me for three days?' He said he wouldn't mind. All of Monday, he didn't see her. Nor on Tuesday. On Wednesday the swelling around his eyes went down sufficiently for him to see a bit of her.

Poor guy
Im the Dim

Also see:
http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/letter-to-yousaf-raza-gilani-pakistan-army-pakistan-government/1/187237.html

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/ittefaq-nama-a-fictitious-diary-of-nawaz-sharif/1/160480.html


http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/pakistan-army-nato-supply-line-asif-zardari-india-pak-ties/1/184239.html 

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