Max Liu: Valentine’s Day in the #MeToo era
... I also wonder, in
retrospect, if there was something in the cultural water of the 90s which
encouraged boys such as me to think girls should like us. Last year, in an article for the New Yorker, the actor Molly Ringwald discussed the 1985 film The Breakfast Club, in
which she plays Claire, who is sexually harassed – at the same time as being
called shallow and pathetic – by the film’s slacker anti-hero, Bender. “It’s
rejection that inspires his vitriol,” Ringwald wrote. “He never apologises for
any of it, but nevertheless he gets the girl in the end.”
‘Nirvana were
progressive in important ways, but there was also a sense of grievance about
Kurt Cobain that encouraged a form of male entitlement that was arguably no
less toxic than the machismo he rejected.’ By the 90s, young men
like Bender were everywhere, as the popularity of Nirvana brought outsider
schtick to the masses. Nirvana were progressive in important ways, speaking out
against homophobia and sexism and critiquing masculinity in songs like Been a Son.
But there was also a sense of grievance about Kurt Cobain that encouraged a
form of male entitlement that was subtler, but arguably no less toxic, than the
machismo he rejected. Today it seems ridiculous to think that long after he had
been hailed as the voice of his generation, Cobain was harbouring grudges
against the popular crowd at his high school.
Nirvana’s music
remains influential, as does the quintessential 90s sitcom Friends, even though the problematic behaviour of Ross Geller has
been enumerated. Ross is obsessed with Rachel, his younger sister’s friend,
jealous of her male colleagues, and feels threatened when she’s successful. But
Ross is an educated, sensitive guy, so Rachel should like him, surely?
Perhaps the
writer David Foster Wallace, a 90s figure in outlook and image, thought
like this. You’d never guess from the stories in Brief Interviews with Hideous
Men (1999), which examine male attitudes to women. Recently, though, the
author Mary Karr described how Wallace terrorised her after they
stopped dating. Did being able to write thoughtfully about misogyny mean
Wallace assumed there was no need to check his own behaviour? In 2018, some male
commentators claimed #MeToo was taking the fun out of Valentine’s Day – this is nonsense. As the writer Jaclyn Friedman said in reply:
“The only people for whom #MeToo is making the world less sexy are abusive men
and their enablers.”.. read more:
