HIM: Oh, she’s Mrs. Kapoor now.
ME : Oh, I’m delighted-uhh, sorry- to hear that. But wasn’t Mr. Kapoor your best buddy?
HIM : He still is. After all, he’s married to my wife, you know.
- You HAVE to invite Arun Jaitley.
- If you invite Arun Jaitley DO NOT invite Subramaniam Swamy.
- If Mr. Jaitley is there then you should also invite your Income Tax Commissioner and the Director Enforcement. They will get the message (if not the evaded tax). Virbhadra Singh didn’t invite them and look where he is now.
- At least three of your guests should have either a Rolls or a Bentley. Remember, the neighbours are watching! Audis and BMWs are out – everybody in Gurgaon has one.
- ALWAYS invite at least one lawyer, one doctor, one physiotherapist, and one chartered accountant. Your other guests will be grateful for the free advice they can extract from them after their fourth drink. But keep track of who is who: you don’t want the lawyer drafting an affidavit on your haemorrhoids or the physio advising you on how to contort or incurvate your income tax return (although both would happily do it if the fee is right).
- Keep handy a list of the regular panelists on prime time TV and never invite more than one of them at the same dinner or you will end up with an impromptu panel discussion. For example, if you are calling Col. Ajai Shukla then Maroof Raza is a no-no; if Shazia Ilmi then renounce Shobhaa De, if Pavan Verma then do without Ambassador Singh. And if you are out of your mind and want to invite Arnab Goswami then invite no one else – he is his own audience.
- Never invite an IAS officer and an Army officer to the same dinner or very soon your living room will become a battleground, held hostage to OROP and Non-functional Upgradation . The other guests may soon become “disguested”: they have no interest in one rank one pension. Their interest lies more in the area of “one voter many votes” or ” one Indian bank account, many foreign bank accounts”. As for Non-functional Upgradation, chances are that they’ll consider it a procedure prescribed by a sexologist for improving the…uh…. functioning.
- It is adviseable not to invite Robert Vadra either, not just because he absolutely refuses to wear a collared shirt, but because he may like your property and want to buy it, after first taking an interest-free loan from you, of course.