What Citizen Pranab Mukherjee said, and didn't say, at the RSS headquarters
I rarely watch
television news anymore, because it makes my brain try to eat itself. But I
made an exception to watch ex-President Pranab Mukherjee at the RSS headquarters, trying not to fall asleep during the
worst parade and drill ever put up in independent India. No offence, I’m just
kidding! He was actually wide awake. People are wondering
what Mr Mukherjee, a staunch Congressman, was doing playing footsie with
the RSS. What was he thinking? Well, you know how the Prime
Minister’s translator recently ‘translated’ a paragraph that the Prime Minister
had not actually said, during a question and answer session in Singapore? I’m
also going to translate things that Citizen Mukherjee didn’t actually say, but
hopefully less embarrassingly. Here goes:
First, a history lesson, since that’s not their strong point. A lesson in pluralism being the soul of India and erstwhile ‘invaders’ now being inextricably part of our syncretic culture. Also a lesson in how patriotism flows from the Constitution. A lesson in civility and non-violence, and the dangers of mistrust and fear. A call to youngsters to work for harmony and peace.
In other words I’ve marched into the lion’s den, smacked the lion on the bottom, and sent it to stand in the corner with a bucket over its head—while forcing it to admire me hugely in order to milk my presence. I’ve also rattled the rafters of my political home, defying an unspoken rule, yet sticking to its politics. When everyone is part-happy, part-mad at you, you’ve either screwed up, or nailed it.
Bharat Bhushan - Did Pranab make a Faustian bargain?
RSS and Modi brazenly intimidating the Supreme Court
Dear god, do these
people really claim they can mobilise for war in three days? They can’t stand
in a straight line, can’t march for nuts, and that chap with the whistle would
have to go with them. Having yourself broadcast all over India for free, thanks
to me, is a double-edged sword.
As per RSS preferences there was no national flag or anthem which, to be honest, is a bit of a relief after my last job. I didn’t do the weird salute with everyone else, but my daughter says the visuals will be morphed to spread lies. Well, at least they’ve given up the spread shorts! Small mercies.
As per RSS preferences there was no national flag or anthem which, to be honest, is a bit of a relief after my last job. I didn’t do the weird salute with everyone else, but my daughter says the visuals will be morphed to spread lies. Well, at least they’ve given up the spread shorts! Small mercies.
I’m glad I came to
Nagpur, foxing everyone. The Congress is sweating bullets. They didn’t make me
Prime Minister when they should have, but I’m going to show them that an
ex-Every Other Kind of Minister with a brain the size of a galaxy can be larger
than his grudges. The RSS is also sweating bullets, dying to be accepted and
respected by the secular intellectuals they can’t stand. So needy.
I have written a nice
thing about Hedgewar in the visitors’ book. This will incense one lot, and
flatter the other, so much that neither will be able to see straight. While
everyone reels about slapping their own heads, I will ensure that, in the most
tense pre-election year since forever, everyone is only talking about me - and
I’m retired! I am very wily. I have the highest
post in the land on my resume, but I can’t choose my own entertainment. They
are plying me with poetry and song and speeches. I’ve checked what looks to
viewers like my programme sheet, twice already.
Bhagwat’s speech has
been going for ages! Mine is shorter - but to be fair, it takes more time to
speak with a forked tongue. We like pluralism, but etc. We are all Indians, but
etc.
Okay, I’m up. Oops - I just said “Ladies and gentlemen” out of habit, before I remembered that this is the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sausagefest. Next go I’ll just make it ‘Dear guests’.
Okay, I’m up. Oops - I just said “Ladies and gentlemen” out of habit, before I remembered that this is the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sausagefest. Next go I’ll just make it ‘Dear guests’.
First, a history lesson, since that’s not their strong point. A lesson in pluralism being the soul of India and erstwhile ‘invaders’ now being inextricably part of our syncretic culture. Also a lesson in how patriotism flows from the Constitution. A lesson in civility and non-violence, and the dangers of mistrust and fear. A call to youngsters to work for harmony and peace.
In other words I’ve marched into the lion’s den, smacked the lion on the bottom, and sent it to stand in the corner with a bucket over its head—while forcing it to admire me hugely in order to milk my presence. I’ve also rattled the rafters of my political home, defying an unspoken rule, yet sticking to its politics. When everyone is part-happy, part-mad at you, you’ve either screwed up, or nailed it.
I’m really very wily.
Bharat Bhushan - Did Pranab make a Faustian bargain?
RSS and Modi brazenly intimidating the Supreme Court