My New Year Wish List for 2012 : by Satya Sagar

By Dilip -
1.    Barack Obama returns his Nobel Peace Prize and confesses to the world he is after all a closet zombie and Hillary a vampire.



2.    Angela Merkel, the German Prime Minister makes it compulsory for the people of all European nations in debt to learn German grammar first.


3.    The world’s Zionists declare they made a grave geographical error by locating ancient Israel in the Middle East and urge all Jews to move to Texas.


4.    Iraq and Iran merge their countries and allow the Kurds to carve out a new nation from amidst their unified territory.


5.    Bin Laden’s body pops up in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and scares a US warship into sinking.


6.    The Chinese government admits all the trillions of US dollars in its possession are completely worthless and resigns for having reposed so much faith in American capitalism all these decades.


7.    The late North Korean leader Kim Jong Il’s pet dog politely declines the offer to be made Commander-in-Chief of the army thus marking the beginning of a new political culture in this reclusive, family-run communist country.


8.    The remote control device at the World Bank headquarters used to manipulate Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh conks out because it used bad quality Chinese batteries.


9.    Pakistani Army Chief General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani gets sacked from his post while trying to carry out a coup in Saudi Arabia.


10. The three Rajapakse brothers running Sri Lanka surrender to an International Court to be tried for war crimes against their country’s Tamil population.


11.  All the champions of nuclear power, especially from the global nuclear industry, are sent to replace low-paid Japanese workers cleaning up the holy mess in Fukushima.


12.  The properties of all those who bet the world is going to come to an end in 2012 are confiscated and distributed to the poor on the New Year’s eve of 2013.


Satya Sagar is a journalist, writer and health worker based in Santiniketan, West Bengal, India and can be contacted at sagarnama@gmail.com

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